"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what you wanted to be when you grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me we didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them you didn’t understand life." - John Lennon
WHAT IS HAPPINESS?
Most of us probably don't believe we need a formal definition of happiness. We know when we feel it and we often use it to describe a range of emotions, including joy, gratitude and contentment. While we think we know what it is, happiness does not happen overnight. They are based on habits and our mindset. Most of my friends believes I'm at high state of happiness but it's far from the truth. My Instagram (like most people) is a highlight reel of moments of happiness. I'm not always on an adventure. My days are almost NEVER perfect. And my emotions are like an up & down rollercoaster at Six Flags. For some time now, I've been thinking about what I needed to "give up" in order to become a happy and more fulfilled person, and during my journey towards my pursuit of happiness I've discovered a list of things that "I gave up" that made my life better than it used to be.
1. STOP CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU
The start of my blog is the beginning of the process of not caring what other people think of me. No longer am I afraid of sharing my life, my stories, my success & failures. Being able to be free and open about life without the worries of criticism is absolute freedom. I realized that the worries of others opinions created an anxiety & stress on my overall health - And we all know the effects that stress has on our bodies. I know its hard to ignore, but remember, the people who support and love you will never talk behind your back. Those are the people you want to keep in your circle. Those who judge you - keep them out.
2. QUIT TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYONE
I used to be a people pleaser, a "Yes Man." Pleasing people we love seems like a no brainer, but unfortunately, many of us find ourselves giving up a little too much of who we are for the sake of someone else's happiness. There is a honor in being a giving person, but there is a fine line between giving enough and giving too much. Sometimes, being a nice person is tiring when our motivation to be nice is driven by how we don't want people to dislike us, and we want to come across as a positive and understanding person. Just remember, there are billions of people on this planet and would be impossible to please everyone. No matter who you are or what you do, there will always be people who dislike and will criticize you. You can’t change other people's perspectives - all you can do is worry about yourself.
3. STOP CHASING THE WRONG PEOPLE
So many of us chases the wrong people in SEEKING enlightenment, happiness, wealth, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc... if you are seeking... you will always be chasing. The key is you focus on yourself and the right people will come into your life. Move forward with the people who are in alignment with your vision. Real connections never needs to be forced. And all friendships should be 100% organic.
4. quit worrying & LET GO OF INSECURITY
I think worrying is a human condition that everyone struggles with to one extent or another. Worrying is a huge but unnecessary evil that makes our everyday harder, and might even become a habit that inhibits our happiness. I dealt with an health anxiety that consumed me for a couple years. It stopped me from enjoying life. I would spend hours on WED M.D. (which I advise to never do). In the end, I was cleared of all the things that I self diagnosed myself with and began to live again. It was a blessing in disguise - I started too worry less and to live life in full "bucket list" mode.
Insecurity about what people think of us is quote common and it can lead to unnecessary problems. It's a recipe for ongoing unhappiness. It can come from your own self judgement or from the judgement of others. If you are being the best version yourself possible then no one has the right to cast judgement on you... that includes your own doubts. "LET IT GO & GIVE LESS F*CKS!" You will be really surprised that people think about you much less than you imagine.
5. STOP SPENDING MONEY ON WHAT YOU DON'T NEED TO BUY HAPPINESS
Overspending has also been proven to be a sign of insecurity and lack of compassion for who you are and where you are in your life. You feel a certain way about yourself, and use spending as a temporary solution to make you feel happier for a moment. It took many years for me to realize this. It's tough to change the thought processes, and at times I still struggle with "WANTS", but the older I get the more I realize how much better experiences and connections are than material possessions. I would take trips to the mall to buy clothes, sneakers etc, only to leave them in bags for days before even unpacking anything. I honestly have Jordans in boxes from Nike never even opened. All that "buying" was a temporary fix for my mood, and it took a long time to shift to more appropriate ways of dealing with my feelings. YOUR STUFF DOESN'T DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. And if you buy things you can't afford, it may lead to stress and other problems.
6. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
Comparing yourself to others is probably one of the biggest happiness killers. Don't buy into the whole "the grass is greener on the other side." Nobody has a perfect life. And if someone says otherwise, they are lying. In our social media driven world, its easy to get the wrong idea about other people's lives. Most people want to paint a picture that they are doing well, while we're drowning into a sea of debt & failure. Don’t focus on how you rank in comparison to others — life is not a competition. It’s a journey. We are all on a journey, to find something, to become something, to learn, and to create. That journey has nothing to do with how well other people are doing, or what they have. It has everything to do with what we want to do, and where we want to go. Don't look at people as competition or as threats, but as a human being who is trying their best to live their best life, just like you and me. That's how we grow as a person, and can genuinely be happy.
7. GIVE UP THE FEAR OF BEING HAPPY
Strange, right? Why would someone fear being happy? Some people might think that they don't deserve it. Some may feel guilty if they're happy when others are not. Or you may been through so many disappointments in life that you have a hard time believing in happiness. Remember that being happy is not the same as taking happiness for granted. Make your happiness an expression of appreciation of life and allowing yourself to feel it. Share that happiness with someone that you love, and you will not feel guilty. Be generous with your success and help someone else out who is struggling to find it.
8. QUIT taking things personally
Remember, no one can offend us if we refuse to take offense. I'm sure you've heard the saying "It's not about you, it's about them." There will always be people who will attack you for whatever reason. There will always be people who spread negative vibes. We live in a world were people just aren't always nice to each other. And we will spend precious time and energy to understand why people will have negative feelings towards us. Taking things personally is a waste of mental & emotional energy. Instead, focus on those who loves and cherish us - you will thank yourself in the long run.
9. LET GO OF THE PAST
Although there are a lot of fond positive memories of the past, we all tend to remember past failures, disappointments, betrayals, failed relationships and "what ifs?" I've had my fair share of "what ifs" - a long list that I will save for another blog. How we learn from those disappointments of the past really shapes us to become an better version of our present self. I have found what works for me is to just live in the present – forgetting about what went wrong in the past and what may happen in the future… Just focusing on the here and the now, appreciating all that I have and be grateful for all that is going right. Find your purpose. Practice forgiveness and gratitude. Leave the past where it belongs... IN THE PAST.
10. give up on the belief of becoming rich
Money and success can make people jump to do our bidding, but they cannot buy our peace of mind and happiness. Happiness is based on a perspective. Studies has suggest a steep drop off in happiness gain after earnings of 70k a year. That's because once our essential needs are met & comfort level is achieved we benefit most from social interactions, close relationships and a sense of connection to the world. "Happiness is not real unless shared" and I believed that is a key ingredient. I'm not rich, yet I find ways to keep myself satisfied and balanced. Read a book (Harry Potter), go hiking, watch the sunrise or sunset, go volunteer, have a deep meaningful conversation, be kind to people, BE RICH IN EXPERIENCES... things that money can't buy. Things that are priceless. If your surrounded by loved ones or have found a true sense of purpose... that will lead you down the road to true happiness... instead of an feeling of emptiness with a big bank account.
The more I learn about my pursuit of happiness and journey through life, the more I realize that almost everyone of us has struggled in some way to get there. Some of us may never get there because we don't give up the necessary things to achieve it. The image of a perfect life is thrown at us from every direction, it is far from the reality of what it means to be happy. The best part of life isn't when it's flawless, the best part is learning how to navigate all negativity, all challenges and all pain without giving up on hope and on ourselves. Don't for a second measure the value of your life on how happy or sad you feel... Life is always going to be filled with such ups and downs that we have to constantly learn and re-learn how to be happy. I will continue to do stuff that makes me happy and I hope this blog can do the same for you. Just be the best version of yourself you can be, that's all :) AND ALWAYS CHOOSE HAPPINESS!!!
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